I haven’t written for personal reasons in a while and I miss it. I think it’s important to try to encapsulate what you are feeling every once in a while so that one day if you are having trouble remembering what it feels like to be really happy you will have a reference point.
I was lost for a long time and I was sort of just going through the motions because I didn’t have the motivation to even care about where my life was going. But one day I took a chance and stepped out of my box. It was magnetic so I couldn’t even help it. Speaking to him was the best decision I’ve ever made. I’ve never been one to need anyone else but it is so nice having someone to spend my days and nights with. Someone to hold my hand when I am scared during Evil Dead. Someone to rub my back when I feel sick. Someone to scratch my arms (just the way I like it). Someone to make me pasta in bed when I am being a lazy little lady. Someone to put me in my place when I am being a complete and total butt head. Someone that I can cry on when I get overwhelmed. Someone who I can make funny voices with while we wrestle in my sheets.
He makes me wake up everyday and want to be a better version of myself. I want to explore the globe with him. I want to listen to music and watch movies and see art and take everything in with him. It is so rare to feel such an exorbitant amount of love for another human, especially unconditional love. The moment that you put your well-being on the back burner because all that matters in the world is that they are feeling okay is the moment that you know you have something special. I just want to see his face every single day because he is the only one that really cares at all. We are each others priority. I just want to take care of him everyday because he is the most extraordinary creature that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. How can someone be so handsome and hilarious and inquisitive and insightful and romantic and brilliant? And how could they possibly want to be with me? I am still trying to wrap my brain around it.
I just want to remember how happy I am feeling in this moment because I know how fleeting happiness can be. I want to remember how my heart feels like it is literally going to explode out of my chest because it cannot contain all of the feelings I feel for this human. I want to remember how my brain wanders into vivid daydreams of what could be. I want to remember how my skin gets goosebumps if I think about all of this too much. I want to remember how much hope I feel for my future and how much I believe in myself in this moment.