Steak n’ Shake
can i haz?
Fiddlin’ knobz, stirring stuff, pretending I’m at a cauldron, cookin’ n shit = tuna pasta success.
I am tired of what I am becoming, but apparently I’m not tired enough to make a change. I hate how when everything in my life falls into place, I start to become bored. Do I yearn for struggles and strife or something? I mean how masochistic of me. I finished my summer class, am starting my summer job on Monday, have a great relationship and wonderful friends. Why am I feeling so empty though? Why do I feel like something is missing or that I am just going to minimum capacity of my abilities as a human. Stagnancy is the worst feeling in the world. I need some spark in my life. I need to save money, I need to stop eating so much, I need to be a better person. Part of my problem in my recent weight gain. Its making me ornery and upset. I dont want to be fat and sloth like anymore. But yet I still sit around eating ice cream, chips, cupcakes and any other carb or sugary item I can get my grubby little hands on.
I just want to feel alive again.
156.
I know its just a number but when I see that on the scale I go into a panic. I used to love my body and I used to be proud of myself but every time I look in the mirror I am repulsed by my reflection. I don’t carry the weight well at all. This weight gain is difficult for me because I’ve NEVER had to watch my weight. I always maintained a healthy 128-135 lbs and I was content with that. But this is just too much. I carry it all in my midsection and I can feel it spreading to my face, legs and arms. I don’t want to reach a point where I feel so big that I feel like I’m at the point of no return. I always say that I am going to start dieting and exercising but I always wimp out or succumb to my cravings. So today I went out and got a huge tub of oatmeal and some small cans of condensed soup. I am going to try a variation of the oatmeal diet with some light exercise. I am going to eat about 1 cup of oat meal a day (split between breakfast, lunch, or dinner) which is about 300 calories. I might add half a can of soup which is about 80 calories. Various fruits, 150 calories and maybe one or two days of the week I’ll treat my self to some lean meat. I might drink lemonade or fruit juice but I am going to try to stick to water. I had a big bottle of water this morning and I’ve had a glass since I’ve been out. In about 30 minutes I am going to walk for a mile and swim for 30 minutes. I will probably have a weigh-in every week.
The point is that I choose my destiny and if I want to be fat, then I can feel free to live the lifestyle that I am currently living. I stress eat, eat way too late, let my cravings get the best of me, just love food in general. For now I need to be strict with myself. I need to walk/swim/cardio/rollerblade everyday or every other day. I need to be held accountable. I am going to TRY my best to post on Tumblr and include my progress and weekly weigh in.
So here’s where I want to go:
Current Weight: 156 lbs
Goal weight: 125 lbs.
Under Goal Weight: 115.
Wish me luck.
My life is a constant battle between getting skinny and eating everything in sight.
Mother of god, this thing was amazing.
Omz le nomz.
So over being fat.
I need to lose 30 pounds as soon as possible. Not happy with how I look right now and all I do anymore is eat. I absolutely have to get out of this slump that I’ve been in.
Going to the #gym, sick of being #fat and lazy 😔 (Taken with Instagram)
My cheeseburger cake :) (Taken with Instagram)
I like this cover.
